updates
Feb 9, 2015 4:33:19 GMT -5
Post by Boofy on Feb 9, 2015 4:33:19 GMT -5
okay guys, I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY for my "come and go" attitude right now, life is just super hectic and I am trying to put it together right now. I'm currently working two jobs, applying for a third (hopefully to replace the full-time serving job that I'm doing right now) and hopefully looking into another. I was talking with one of my tables at work today and he works for the Marriott resort as a banquet captain and offered me a job since they're hiring right now. I gave him my email and phone number, so here's praying I can get it. They start off at $35/hr so I could potentially quit both of my shitty jobs to have this one. Even part time I would be making the same that I am now!
Anyways, besides that I am currently looking into buying a new laptop. I had one for a while. Long story short, the guy I was dating at the time used his Best Buy credit to get me a $2000 gaming laptop & then not even 2 weeks later we broke up. I was pretty much done with the relationship, mainly for the fact that I have been going through some rough times lately and he wasn't making it any better. If you guys remember, I spent some time in the hospital for a suicide attempt and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder, given prozac and a couple other drugs and have been going to therapy on a monthly basis. My self-confidence has never been that great and the guy I was dating at the time, despite him being super sweet to me at times (like the laptop) was not helping the situation. He had a very dry sense of humor (which is cool, I have one too but I know when to use it and when not to, especially with sensitive people like myself). He would constantly put me joke, mainly in jest, but it would still hurt my feelings. He would call me stupid, he constantly had to be right about everything which left me thinking I really was stupid. He berated me for any choice I made, especially when he would bring up exes. He knew about my time in the hospital and how my last boyfriend cheated on me with a sixteen year old girl and would always bring it up to remind me about how dumb I was to let that happen. And I realize it was "all in good fun" but it wasn't helping me and despite therapy and medication I was slipping back into my depression and suicidal thoughts. Even after I told him, he would constantly bring it up but then apologize after saying something like that would fix it. So I ended it and then it got a little worse for a second. He showed up at my work to pick up the laptop (despite us agreeing that I would pay him monthly for it) and sat out on the patio for 2 hours waiting for me to get off work. I was off at 4 and he showed up at 3 but I had to roll silverware and sidework & whatnot but he decided to stick around until I was done. When I went outside he told me he wanted to talk in private in the back of the parking lot. Now, I probably should have clarified this at the beginning but I have dated him before. He was actually my first boyfriend when I was 17 and what I consider to be my first love. We hadn't talked for years until after I broke up with the cheater and he messaged me on facebook. I was torn apart at the time & looking for anything to latch on to, my mind reminded me of the happy times with him, not the bad times. Which is why I went back to him. So anyways, he asked me to speak in the back of the dark parking lot. I told him no because I remembered when we had broken up the first time & it ended up in smashed tailights, broken mirrors and him holding on to me and refusing to let go (which the police officer told me later that I could've pressed charges for him holding me against my will). But, I digress. I refused to go to the back and we talked on the patio. It started getting heated and was going in circles (mostly him telling me he promised to change and me telling him that I no longer trusted him because He was logging into my facebook account from his phone - I found that out because it would randomly log me out of facebook on my phone & he directly quoted something to me from one of my private facebook messages). So I told him I was done discussing this, we were over and I was no longer going to speak with him. When I got up to leave I walked back into the restaurant and he caught my arm and tried to pull me back outside. One of my coworkers (BIG, BIG LADY super intimidating) was outside drinking after work and she saw this, followed us inside and forced him to leave. I haven't talked to him since (been about 3 months now)
SO I've been busy, whether it's work or boys fucking up my life haha I am currently in the process of trying to better myself by eating healthier, going to the gym, seeking out new career opportunities. I do not have a laptop or desktop that can support extended periods of use (my alienware laptop is on its last legs and will shut down after about 30 minutes of use) but I PROMISE YOU I WILL FIND TIME FOR YOU ALL. I WANT SO DEARLY TO COME BACK. I will most likely have to start from square one as I have no idea when I'll be able to come back but I appreciate you keeping my account around and having faith in my return haha. I will continue to skype you all from my phone when I get the chance or snapchat you if I have you added. I miss you all SO SO MUCH and I wish I could be here every day to hang out like the old times.
DDDD: /sobcrybawlcrumple UGH DON'T FORGET ME. DDDD: